Are you always tidying up after your partner, or sidestepping their socks on the floor?
Well one solution that’s recently surfaced online is the concept of a ‘boyfriend basket’.
Said basket refers to any receptacle of your choice, where you can place items that your other half has left lying around the house.
This means you get to live in a clean house and all their things are hidden, but easy to find in one place.
It sounds like a fun, easy solution. Right?
Wrong. A boyfriend basket doesn’t actually fix the problem at hand, which is that your partner is too lazy to clear up their mess themselves. And while it might not seem like a big issue on the surface, no one wants to feel like the parent in their relationship.
And of course, this isn’t just a ‘boyfriend’ problem – it can apply to girlfriends, partners and anyone you’re cohabiting with.
Kate Mansfield agrees that this holy grail solution may only be a plaster on a bigger problem.
Kate tells Metro.co.uk: ‘The concept of a “boyfriend basket” is literally everything that is wrong with most people’s relationships – and also the issues that we are having between men and women in romantic relationships today.
‘I spend a large part of my coaching helping women to level up their communication skills with men so that we can avoid ever needing a “boyfriend basket”.’
It’s a short term solution
While the method of a ‘boyfriend basket’ may be appealing, remember that it fixes the issue on a surface level and not on a deeper one.
Kate says: ‘On the contrary, while it might offer a short term solution to physical mess, this system will create an emotional mess that could end up destroying your relationship.
‘It is built on the idea that men are useless, messy children who need us to “manage” them, like a mother.
‘Cue the death of your sex and love life.’
There’s no equal partnership
Kate says: ‘Our culture and the media really leverage the representation of man as a helpless “infant” and we are socialised as women into this role.
‘It is very destructive. I help women to understand how by engaging in this kind of behaviour, they are killing any chance of an equal partnership, and of their man ever feeling an incentive to be in his adult masculine energy, which is where he would want to please, provide and protect you as his woman from.’
And on top of all that, a ‘boyfriend basket’ won’t actually solve the issue of your partner being messy.
‘He will increasingly absolve responsibility, or the role of team player. If you play mummy, he will play manchild,’ says Kate.
Communication is more effective
Whether you have already adopted the ‘boyfriend basket’ system and want to fix the root of your issues, or you simply want an effective way to tackle the problem of a messy partner, Kate has the answer.
Kate says: ‘There is another way. Through learning how to communicate from a feminine energy place, and using “feeling” speak, you can absolutely get a man to clean up after himself, and to create a win/win, adult dynamic of working together.
‘You will also get your sex life and romance back in the mix, even in a long term, relationship that has lost it’s spark.
‘Don’t throw your love life into a basket, it will only result in the slow and miserable death of your relationship.’
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