Hi Hello, Your Sex Horoscope for the Weekend Is Here

What’s happening: No matter your sign, tonight’s astro-weather is not it. The Sun is opposing Neptune, the hazy, foggy planet of confusion and misdirection. Things improve on Monday when the Sun harmonizes with intense Pluto, the planet of transformation. On Tuesday, lovey Venus and Uranus, planet of disruption, square off, creating a rather volatile vibe for the middle of the week. But on Thursday, things cool down and start looking up when the Sun harmonizes with Saturn, the planet of structure.

What that means for you:


I have good news and bad news, Aries—you’re focused a ton on work this week. (That’s it, that’s the news.) This makes it so that you’re not so stressed about your love life (yay!), but…only because your job’s kicking your ass (boo!). The most action your love life is getting is on Tuesday, when Venus and Uranus square off. This makes you feel restless, like you’ve got to break up your usual routine. If you and bae are getting along well with each other, this is a wonderful time to try something new, kinky, and exciting in the bedroom. If you and your boo aren’t doing so hot, then, well…this could be the day you and your partner finally decide to cut things off for good.


Drama, conflama, and tomfoolery are the general vibes for your love life this weekend, especially if you’re caught up in a situationship/FWB type of thing. You and your boo/date/crush/whoever aren’t on the same page right now—and when the Sun opposes Neptune, the planet of illusions, tonight, any hidden feelings, secrets, or miscommunications are coming out. If you’re in a solid, strong ‘ship, try to use this as an opportunity to hash out the issues and clear the air. If your relationship isn’t in the best shape, or you’re not in a committed relationship, then this super-emo vibe can easily lead to breakups or major arguments all weekend long. Luckily, life improves on Monday, and the general atmosphere is urging you to spice up life in the bedroom and try out new ways of showing affection to your boo—as long as you two didn’t break up during the weekend’s chaotic astro-weather, that is.


You’re absolutely drowning in feels this weekend. You’re very “stuck in your head” about something, whether it’s your home life, your professional life, or your love life, and it’s driving you absolutely bonkers. Take it easy—like, super easy—this weekend. Alone. This week’s astro-vibe (especially on Monday and Thursday) helps calm you down and focus more on your most intimate relationships. If you’re single, don’t expect too much action this week—this astro-weather urges you to strengthen relationships, not start any new ones. If you’re coupled up, you can use this emotional time to share your positive emotions with your boo—be more affectionate, let them be more ~romantic~ with you, that sort of thing. As the week goes on, your focus turns from your love life in general to your sex life. All that emotional bonding will translate to more positive, erotic experiences in bed, so your relationship is definitely improving (whether it was in bad shape or already *chef’s kiss*) by the end of the week!


If you’re single, you should put down the dating apps and avoid ~getting your flirt on~ with others this weekend. Neptune’s influence makes this a weekend where all forms of communication are just…a mess. You might just want to stay casual, but your date is looking for something more romantic and long-lasting (or vice versa). You’re also more gullible, so remember that if you meet someone who seems “too good to be true,” it’s likely because they are. Manipulation, deceit, or half-truths can easily happen this weekend, so if you’re single, try to arrange your first date after this weekend’s cray astro-weather. If you’re dating someone, this week’s astrology makes it easier to feel like you and your partner are connecting on a more deep, meaningful level, and the chemistry is out of this world! Whatever your relationship status right now, don’t try to rush anything (Mars Retrograde will screw things up, big time), just try to enjoy taking things slow! Patience and open, honest communication will get you and your love life extremely far this week, Cancer!


First of all, ICYMI, Venus is finally in your sign, so you’re looking good and feeling gorgeous right now. Romance is more romantic, sex is way sexier, and basically, you’re thriving—or so you think! You know how your sign has a reputation for being self-absorbed? Well, it looks like you’ve really been embodying your shadier Leo traits, whether you realize it or not. By taking a “me, me, me” approach to your relationships, you’re withholding the satisfaction that your partner needs from you. So fix it: Make sure you’re spending quality time with them and actually listening to them, not scrolling on your phone. Service your partner in bed and take care of their needs first. A little selflessness goes a long way this week, Leo.


If you’ve been feeling suspicious of your partner, listen to your gut, Virgo! You’re extremely observant and analytical as hell, so you’re probs right (oh, who am I kidding—Virgos are always right)! Don’t pop off on your partner and blast them with accusations if they’re acting shady—calmly talk to them about what you’re feeling. There could be something scandalous happening, sure, but you might find out that there’s actually just been a huge misunderstanding! If you’re unfortunate enough to have to break off things with your S.O., then think of this as a way to knock out the not-so-hot relationships from your life so that you can start a new, better relationship in the future. If you and your boo are still doing fine after the tumultuous weekend’s astro-vibe, then you can enjoy more romance and better sex!


As an air sign, you’re waaaay more intellectual than you are emotional, but this week’s astro-weather is really, really encouraging (or pushing) you to get more in touch with your feelings. This, on top of Virgo season’s already über-emo vibes for your sign make this weekend one that you’ll certainly remember! First, an ex might make their way back into your life, which is obvs going to be an emotional experience (especially if you’re boo’d up and your partner finds out your ex slid into your DMs). No matter how much they seem to have changed doesn’t matter—this astro-weather is tough and suggests that your ex is coming around to stir up drama, so don’t believe a word they say! Leave the past in the past and if your ex does come around, use this as a time for closure. Most of this week’s astro-weather is focused around you improving your already-established, closest relationships. If you’re coupled up, get intimate with your boo—both in and out of the bedroom. The vibe is rather serious, except for Tuesday, which is basically designated for you to spice up your love life. If you’re single, you’re prone to catching feels for your fling on Tuesday, but they have zero interest in anything more!


To all the single Scorpios out there, I just want to apologize for the news I’m about to deliver. This weekend can be amazing for hot (virtual) hookups, but as far as romance goes, you’re not getting sh*t. Even though this is a 🔥🔥🔥 time for your sex life, it’s still not too wise to hook up with anyone because you’re very prone to catching major feelings right now, and they’re just…not. Monday’s astro-weather is much nicer for making new connections, however, and Tuesday’s astrology is great for trying someone or something new in the bedroom! The vibe is, in a word, intense, and can bring major changes to your relationship status (hopefully the good kind) because of how excited and ready-for-action you and your boo are feeling. This astro-weather could open up the door to upgrading your relationship…but if your ‘ship isn’t strong, you might end up having to downgrade your relationship status this week. The same cosmic influence that’s encouraging you to make your relationship more exciting could also manifest in a negative way—infidelity, big arguments, massive heartbreak—because the underlying idea of this transit is that your love life is getting stale, and you need to shake it up. Whether that’s manifesting as a ~fun~ week for you and bae or a pretty shitty week is still TBD, but be honest with yourself about how your relationship is going. If things are going smoothly, you’ll have a fun week, but if things aren’t so great, be prepared for drama.


Unfortunately, life on the job is really taking over—you can blame Virgo season for that—so your love life is being placed on the back burner for most of the week. The exception is Tuesday, when Venus and Uranus square off. This has positive and negative manifestations. Let’s start with the negative—basically, this transit makes you feel like your love life is stale, and you have got to spice things up. This could lead to you starting a fight just because of how bored you are in your relationship, or if your ‘ship is in really bad shape, you might even be tempted to cheat. Don’t do it! There are so many positive connotations of Tuesday’s astro-weather. If you’re boo’d up, this can be as simple as surprising your boo with new lingerie, toys, or something else fun and exciting in the bedroom. If you’re single, this might actually bring an end to your dry spell and help you find a super hot hookup (just stay safe, and don’t expect it to become anything more than a fling).


This weekend’s astro-weather is here to remind you the importance of keeping it real with your partner. Half-truths, hidden feelings, and secrets are all coming out this weekend, and things might get a little, uh, explosive. If you’re in a committed LTR, this might be a little (or a big) speed bump that you hit and quickly get over, but if you’re casually dating someone or caught up in a situationship/FWB thingie, then things can go downhill fast. This is further reflected in the astro-weather this week, especially on Tuesday, when brand new relationships or casual flings have a high potential to end. If you’ve been keeping things any less than 💯 with your boo, now’s the time to open up and be receptive to what your partner has to say. Maybe you’ll find that your partner’s actually been the one being less than genuine—really think about whether your relationship is worth saving, and act accordingly. This isn’t a sexy or romantic week for you, but the challenges you conquer will 100% help your love life grow, develop, and improve in the future.


This is a very, very, very emotional weekend for you, Aquarius. You’re being pushed to reflect on your wants vs. your needs in your love life, and you’re also being urged to pay more attention to your partner’s wants and needs. Is there an equal sense of “give and take” in your love life? Or are you constantly over-performing and over-extending yourself to please your partner (or vice versa)? This obvs relates to your ‘ship in general, but it applies to your sex life, too. Trouble feeling the same “chemistry” with your partner, performance issues, or just not being ~in the mood~ can pop up now if life outside the bedroom isn’t doing so hot. Try to address (and solve, if possible) these issues as they come up this weekend, because there’s some marvelous, constructive astro-weather happening on Monday and Thursday. The transits occurring this week are all centralized around your feelings, but you can take advantage of this astro-weather and make great things happen for your love life. If your relationship feels imbalanced—in or out of bed—you gotta bring it up and talk it out. By being calm, patient, and tactful, you can easily survive this rather dramatic weekend!


This weekend, you’re being called to take a long, hard look at yourself, and how you contribute to the relationships in your life. You have a tendency to act a certain way depending on who’s around you—not that you’re being fake, necessarily, you just want to make it as easy as possible to connect deeply with others. If you can’t be yourself around your boo, then who the hell can you be yourself around? If you’ve been “faking it” around your boo lately, JSYK, they’ve noticed, and big arguments can come up this weekend as a result. Listen, Pisces, you can’t spend your entire life switching up how you act/what you say based on the people you’re with at any given moment. If they can’t love you for you, then guess what? You don’t need ‘em around! This week, you’re learning how to be authentic and keep it 100% real with others, unapologetically. You’re not getting too much action, unfortunately, but as you do this inner work, you’ll quickly begin to notice that your relationships—romantic, platonic, all of ‘em—start to improve.

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