I refused to send my parents a photo of my newborn baby – now they’re not speaking to me and people are calling me ‘spiteful’
- A woman revealed on Reddit she decided to not share any snaps of her newborn
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A new mother has revealed she’s fallen out with her parents after she refused to send them photos of her newborn baby.
Taking to Reddit, the woman from the US explained that she and her partner are anxious about their son’s photo being shared around with strangers without their consent.
However, her parents ‘lost their minds’ and told her it was ‘torture’ waiting for a photo, saying they didn’t understand her reasoning for it.
The new mother insisted the decision isn’t ‘a forever thing’ and she will send photos of her child to the baby’s grandparents in future, but added she was disappointed her mother could not respect her decision.
The post, which has been viewed by thousands of people on Reddit’s AITA forum, largely received sympathy from readers, who encouraged the mother to ‘stand her ground’ – but some branded her ‘spiteful’.
A woman revealed on Reddit that she decided to not share any snaps of her newborn son with family and her parents fell out with her over it (stock image)
The mother explained in her post: ‘When we got checked in at the hospital, my husband and I obviously told a few people – including my parents.
‘My mom’s immediate reaction was, “Let us know if you change your mind and want us to come to the hospital!”, even though for weeks I said I didn’t want anyone at the hospital.
‘Then she said she was packing and said, “We are coming of course! But not to the hospital”. They assumed they could wait at my house. I said no.
‘After 21 hours of labor and three hours of pushing, my son was born and we let my parents know. Immediately they were asking for photos.
‘I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy s*** I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.
‘Once we got moved to a recovery room, my husband and I talked and decided to hold off on sending pictures to anyone, including to his favorite two people (his dad and grandmother) so it’s not like my parents were being singled out.
‘I can’t really even explain why we don’t want to send pics of our son out right now. We both just have some anxiety about sending a photo to someone and then that photo spreading like wildfire to people we did not consent to having a photo of our son sent to. So we’ve just decided to hold off. Not forever, but for now.
Taking to Reddit , the woman from the US, explained herself and her partner have ‘some anxiety’ about people sharing the snaps to others who they didn’t consent to seeing it
‘We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing.
‘My parents lost their minds. Blew up both our phones, stressed me out to the point of tears so husband called my dad to ask them to stop and my dad had the balls to hang up on my husband and then my dad tells me that him and husband don’t need to speak or see each other again.
‘When I was discharged and sent home I sent my parents three texts about us being home and asking to FaceTime them so they could see my son via video since we weren’t doing photos. They ignored me.
She continued: ‘We finally FaceTimed yesterday and my mom told me she had been sobbing all day and it was “torture” waiting for a photo.
‘I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted. They said they don’t understand the photo thing. Everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies.
‘I said: “I don’t care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it”. Well that didn’t go over well.
‘So tell me the truth, am I being dramatic? My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired.
‘Be honest with me, are my husband and I drawing a hard line over something nonsensical?’
People rushed to the comments with their own views with many praising the new mother for standing her ground.
One person wrote: ‘You should have been giving it to them that they were stressing out a new mother and that they should be disgusted with themselves they are doing that to their daughter.
‘Girl you gotta give it back to them. Go hard. They have no right to treat you like this. I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. You are the mum what you say goes. They suck it up and deal with it.’
Another said: ‘Stick to your guns. Show them this if need be. It’s pathetic they stress out new mothers like that. How does that help you in any way. You got your husband and he’s your rock remember that.’
Someone else said: ‘It’s because they want to show off their grandson to their friends. The EXACT reason she didn’t want to send a photo: to prevent unapproved circulation. They’re just reiterating why you were concerned in the first place.’
A fourth agreed saying: ‘Stand your ground. You not wanting to send pictures is NOT a weird thing. Sorry, in this day and age pics spread like wildfires. Your parents are unreasonable. Congratulations. Enjoy your baby. They can enjoy the Christmas card.’
However others thought the new mother was in the wrong for not sharing a picture of her newborn with her parents.
One person wrote: ‘I find it odd that you can’t send a picture to your parents and ask them not to share, and I find it odd that you wouldn’t want your parents to see your baby…but if that’s the relationship you want so be it.’
Another said: ‘Reddit is so weird about privacy. Lots of introverts from broken families I suppose?
‘I’ve had three kids. You better believe I was sending photos from the hospital once we had a breather. It was a little work, but you suck it up because it’s important to start building a community for your child.
‘If her reaction is to immediately shield her child from the world including her closest family and support system, this does not bode well for things down the line.
‘Agree that mother needs to do a better job respecting boundaries but at this point she is just being spiteful.’
Someone else agreed, saying: ‘I understand the need for privacy as I was also a “please don’t come to the hospital” new mom, but depriving the world of pictures is such a strange hill to die on.
‘Kids need community and your chosen community needs to know their important in your child’s life.
‘As a first time mom, there are so many things to stress about and countless things that amplify anxiety. You’ve got to learn to pic your battles and causing chaos over the circulation of a newborn pic is unnecessary stress and completely avoidable.’
While another agreed: ‘Having a baby is a huge event for a new mom, but it is also a huge event for an entire family.
‘Her parents respected every boundary she set by not going to the hospital, not waiting for her at her house.
‘They wanted to have a picture of the newest member of their family and OP decided to withhold that, for a reason that is completely unreasonable (they didn’t want it shared with other people???).
‘Starting out parenthood by being overly controlling and shutting out the community that you will grow to rely on is a pretty awful way to start your journey. It is definitely not an absurd timeframe to feel pushed out of a major life event in your own family.’
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