DEAR DEIDRE: I’M sure that my wife is having an affair and that her frequent visits to her “daughter” are a cover.
Her daughter lives 300 miles away and has a bit of depression but nothing that would warrant a regular visit every two weeks.
I’m 53 and so is my wife. We’ve been together for ten years. When my wife first went away, I thought nothing of it.
She texted to say she’d arrived but then her texts were few and far between.
She’d sometimes send a text in the evening saying, “How was your day? All good here. I’m going to bed. Goodnight”.
That was it. But the second time, she stayed with her daughter for ten days and didn’t call me at all.
When she got home, she’d changed her password on her phone and her laptop. So I haven’t been able to discount or confirm my suspicions.
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Sometimes when she’s away, she sends goodnight texts to me but then I can see she is still active on her phone until the early hours.
My mind is in overdrive — it’s awful, feeling the woman you love is cheating. I feel so uncertain of everything.
I confronted her on her return but she dismissed my concerns blaming me for not giving her enough attention.
I was shocked but I’ve told her that I’ll change.
We’ve been out for meals together and we’ve got things planned, but if I touch her it’s as if she’s thinking, “OK, if you must”.
She’s so distant.
She says she wouldn’t cheat on me but now she’s revisiting her daughter next week and she’s not sure how long she’ll be gone.
I’m going out of my mind with worry.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Feeling suspicious and shut out is an awful state to live in.
Please find the time to talk to your wife properly before this next trip.
Let her know you still feel things have changed within your relationship and ask her what you can do to reconnect.
Ask her to remember why you got together in the first place?You were attentive then.
Does your sex life need some work?
A weekend away or a meal out is a great start but something simpler like cooking her a meal or running her a bath?
You don’t have to spend money to let somebody know you love them.
My support pack called How To Look After Your Relationship shows you how to develop emotional intimacy and trust.
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