I’VE always hated Budgets. It started when I was a young kid.
I’d come home from school looking forward to watching The Wacky Races or Scooby-Doo on TV.
🔵 Read our Budget 2021 live blog for the latest news & updates
But instead of Dick Dastardly there’d be this boring old scrote droning on and on from the despatch box in the House of Commons. Kids’ programmes were cancelled for the day. I didn’t like Budgets any better when I got older, either.
There never seemed to be any good news. Certainly not for my pack of cigarettes. I can’t remember a Budget which didn’t raise the price of tobacco. We smokers contribute about £9billion per year to the Exchequer.
It’s a typical government con. They say they want to deter people from smoking. But they can’t do without the enormous revenue we smokers generate. And it’s not the job of the Government to “deter” me from smoking.
Chancellors usually put up the tax on alcohol too (although luckily not this year). Anything that gives pleasure, they tax, just to make us feel bad about ourselves.
But if we gave up all our pleasures overnight, the Government would be broke. Instead, every year we just have to pay a bit more for those luxuries in life.
The politicians are ingenious at grabbing money off us. Take stamp duty, for example. Chancellor Rishi Sunak has announced that the stamp duty holiday will continue until June. Yay and thrice yay.
But why do we have it in the first place? Why should the Government steal tens of thousands of quid from each of us just because we want to buy a house? Where is the justification? It’s like a Mafioso’s protection racket. (And as it happens, stamp duty was invented in Italy. Along with pizza and fascism.)
They used to tax our windows until people started building houses with no windows in them.
GOVERNMENT LOVES TO SPEND OUR MONEY
Instead, they now tax almost everything we buy, under VAT. It was controversial when it was introduced. But now every party loves VAT — another fraudulent way of squeezing money out of us.
With VAT, it’s the poorest of us who fork out. We will wake up one morning to find they have taxed the very air that we breathe.
Where does all this money go? An awful lot is swallowed up by that great gaping maw, the National Health Service. Even adjusting for inflation, the NHS now costs us TEN times more than it did when it was set up after World War Two. It is fantastically inefficient. The medical staff are wonderful, of course. But the organisation is bureaucratic.
Another £100billion or so goes on state benefits to working-age people and families. More than double the amount we spend on the Army, Navy and the RAF — which is something I would be prepared to fork out for.
And by and large we go along with this yearly mugging. We may get a bit hacked off by the rise in tobacco or alcohol duty. But we don’t get cross about VAT any more, nor stamp duty.
Right now, our debt stands at a remarkable two trillion quid. That’s even more than Rishi Sunak earned in his previous incarnation as a banker.
And we’ve built up that debt because governments love to spend OUR money.
Rich and poor alike, every year the Budget comes along — we get fleeced.
Wave the white flag, Holly
PERKY Holly Willoughby is flying a “thanks to the NHS flag” at her South West London mansion.
I suppose that’s quite nice of her. I assume her neighbours will be happy with that.
A couple of years ago they complained when she flew a Union Jack from her flagpole. They said it was lowering the tone of the area.
NHS flag – OK. Rainbow flag – OK. Palestinian flag – OK.
But don’t dare put up our own country’s flag.
And people are puzzled as to why I can’t stand London any more.
Beeb's Fawlty logic
THE BBC is re-running Fawlty Towers.
Even 40 years on it’s funnier than anything the corporation has to offer these days.
But – of course – they’re removing the naughty racist bits. Such as when the senile old major uses the “N” word.
But is that going far enough?
Surely Manuel is a racist depiction of an idiotic Spaniard.
And what about the baiting of the Germans? And the references to Hitler?
Tell you what, Auntie. Why not go back and remove every single thing that’s funny from the show. It’s the only way to be sure that someone won’t be offended.
THE lovely Ulrika Jonsson has revealed that she intends to celebrate the end of lockdown by going out and having sex with strangers.
Trouble is, she hasn’t told us where exactly she’s going to be. So that we might kind of accidentally bump into her.
I mean, you never know.
School is not cool
A USELESS junior school in Goole (last Ofsted report: “Requires Improvement”) has changed the names of its houses to be more modern, with it and inclusive.
No more Horatio Nelson House or Walter Raleigh House at Howden Junior School. Instead, the houses will be named after footballer Marcus Rashford and that Swedish doom-goblin, Greta Thunberg.
It is a disappointment to learn that no house, so far, is to be named after the rapper Cardi-B, whose song “WAP (Wet Ass P***y)” was much admired by the under-tens. Perhaps they could name the sports hall, or the staff room, after this brilliant woman.
Uppity Roy a phoney
YOU may not have heard of Roy Greenslade – so let me introduce you to him.
He is an odious toad of a man who has spent his journalistic career sneering at newspapers such as The Sun (even though we once actually employed him).
A media commentator, his articles were invariably boring and pompous.
He has just revealed that for 30 years he was a supporter of the Provisional IRA, when they were murdering and maiming British people.
But he kept his allegiance quiet because he didn’t want to get the sack.
So, a man who pontificates on the principles of journalists sacrificed his own principles in order to earn money. What a revolting beast.
No surprise that for more than 25 years he was employed almost exclusively by The Guardian. The same paper that employed Richard Gott, who spied (for money) for The USSR. And Jeremy Corbyn’s old spin doctor, Seumas Milne, an apologist for Stalin.
MEGHAN and her husband, that dim ginger bloke, will be on the Oprah Winfrey Show very soon.
I bet you can’t wait.
Recently we’ve heard allegations that Meghan was a “bully” to staff when she was swanning around in Kensington Palace.
What a surprise.
Meghan claims this is all smear whipped up by the Royal Family.
We’re told that on Oprah she will be talking about racism in the UK.
Excellent. There’s nothing I like more than being told to check my white privilege by a woman who has 18 bathrooms.
JUST how glad will you be to wave the kids off to school next week?
I mean, on a scale of one to ten? Ours has sat there at the kitchen table for six weeks, demanding snacks and coffee every 20 minutes. And chocolate. And Sainsbury’s banana milk.
Usually when I root around in the fridge for a snack there’s nothing left, the shelves are bare. It’s like living with a giant locust. Also sometimes she asks me questions during lessons. Such as: “What is the valency of sodium, Dad?” And I have to look it up quickly and pretend I knew all along.
She’s been away from school for so long. And the truth is, when she goes back, I’ll really miss her.
THE net is closing in on that wee Krankie woman, Nicola Sturgeon.
Never trust a politician named after a fish. (That kinda goes for her enemy, too, Alex Salmond.)
It looks more and more like there was a clear plan by Sturgeon and her allies to damage Salmond’s career.
The Scottish National Party has become a tyranny. It has had too much power for too long. And like all tyrannies it is riven with loathing and jealousy.
Roll on the regional elections. Maybe the Scots will wake up and shake off the SNP’s grip on the country.
GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL [email protected]
Source: Read Full Article